Count Barkula

Some dogs fetch.

Some dogs chase squirrels.

Some dogs spend an unreasonable amount of time deciding exactly where to lie down.

Me?

I counted.

If dinner was at six...

I knew exactly how long until six.

If somebody said, “We’ll go for a walk later”...

I needed clarification.

How much later, dude?

Five minutes?

An hour?

Tuesday?

You can’t just throw around a word like later without numbers.

That’s chaos.

So I started counting down to everything.

Dinner.

Walks.

Treats.

Naps.

The end of naps.

And naturally...

Christmas.

Christmas was different.

It wasn’t just another thing I was waiting for.

It was THE thing.

The lights.

The snow.

The presents.

The smells coming from Ginger’s kitchen.

And all those sticks people inexplicably brought indoors and decorated instead of letting dogs have them.

They call them Christmas trees.

I call them...

a missed opportunity.

Every year I counted the days until Christmas.

Then the hours.

Then the minutes.

Then somebody made the mistake of asking:

“Barkula, how long until Christmas?”

I told them.

Exactly.

They came back the next day.

I told them again.

Pretty soon everybody was asking me.

Elves.

Reindeer.

Visitors.

Santa.

Even Jack.

Although Jack usually asked me and then changed the clock.

That’s Jack.

One Christmas season, Santa walked past while I was giving an elf the countdown.

He stopped.

He looked at me.

I looked at him with my big puppy-dog eyes.

There was a pause.

I believe dramatic pauses are important.

Holly Wood taught me that.

Then Santa said:

“You certainly like counting down.”

I nodded.

“That’s my flow, dude.”

Santa thought for a moment.

Then he said:

“Every North Pole needs a Christmas Countdown.”

And that’s how I got the job.

Well...

There may have been paperwork. I ate it.

Santa gave me a medallion.

It says:

COUNTDOWN HOUND.

I wear it with dignity.

Mostly.

From that day forward, I became the North Pole’s official keeper of...

HOW LONG UNTIL?

How long until Christmas?

Ask Barkula.

How long until somebody’s birthday?

Ask Barkula.

How long until vacation?

Ask Barkula.

How long until dinner?

I already know.

That’s when I realized something important:

Everybody has something they’re waiting for.

A birthday.

A trip.

A party.

A movie.

Somebody coming home.

Maybe just Friday.

And when you’re really looking forward to something...

waiting is part of the fun.

So I don’t just count down to Christmas anymore.

I’ll count down to your big day too.

That’s what a Countdown Hound does.

There is one issue we need to discuss.

Cats.

I like cats.

Some of my best acquaintances are cats.

But every Christmas somebody asks whether there are more cat days or dog days left until Christmas.

Naturally, this requires serious mathematical analysis.

Cats vs Dogs.

Kittens vs Puppies.

Meows vs Woofs.

Sometimes the numbers don’t come out evenly.

That’s when things get controversial.

And when that happens...

DEMAND A RECOUNT!

Does the recount always change the winner?

Dude.

That’s why we recount.

Mr. T once accused me of talking down to him.

I explained:

“I count down. I don’t talk down.”

He stared at me.

I stared at him.

Then he started explaining subtraction.

I left.

There are limits.

People sometimes think that because I’m good at countdowns, I know what’s going to happen.

I don’t.

For that, we have elfNsanta’s Crystal Ball.

Is it accurate?

Sometimes.

When it isn’t, we ask the Groundhog Brothers.

They know six weeks.

Only six weeks.

Ask them anything.

“We know six weeks.”

That’s how they roll.

Can you dig it?

Here’s what I’ve learned after counting all these years.

The number isn’t actually the important part.

What you’re counting down to is.

Christmas matters because of the people waiting for it.

Birthdays matter because somebody gets celebrated.

Vacations matter because somebody gets to go somewhere.

Even dinner matters.

Especially dinner.

A countdown is really just another way of saying:

“Something good is coming.”

And sometimes knowing that makes today a little better too.

So if there’s something you’re looking forward to...

Tell me.

I’ll keep count.

You do the looking forward.

How long until we meet again?

I don’t know.

You haven’t given me a date.

I’m good, dude.

I’m not that good.

So for now...

Count Barkula will suffice.

And remember:

Something good is coming.

I’ll count the days.

That’s my flow, dude. 🐾